1. Giving the gift that you want, instead of the gift the recipient wants.
We’ve all heard the stories. In fact, sitcom writers love to write the episodes where the “doofus husband/boyfriend” gives the girl the titanium driver, circular saw, tickets to a sporting event. Whatever it is that he wants.
But women can be just as guilty: giving the significant other (SO) tickets to the Opera, the latest Broadway show, the Ballet. In other words: something she loves, but he barely tolerates, if not outright despises.
2. Giving a gift that shows absolutely no thought was given to age appropriateness, religious views, health conditions, etc.
The list is long: giving your friend who’s diabetic a huge box of designer chocolates or giving your Orthodox Jewish neighbors a ham. How about giving a subscription for an “adult magazine” to an under-age boy, or presenting a case of wine to your brother in law – the one who attends AA meetings? Now these examples are deliberately obvious; but think about it. While some of these gifts could be just outrageously thoughtless, they could also be extremely passive-aggressive, i.e., the “friend” who enrolls you in the “Brownie of the Month” club, after you’ve just lost forty pounds!
3. Gifting a person that you shouldn’t even think about gifting.
For example, it can be very tricky to give a gift to a boss. It’s one thing to contribute to a group gift that comes from everyone in the office; but for an employee to give a personal gift – be very careful.
Along the same line: a boss giving a “personal” gift to a subordinate. Think Dabney Coleman’s character in the movie “9 to 5.” Hm…don’t think so. Use good judgment here: I never met an employee yet who didn’t say that the very best gift they ever got from their boss was a bonus of two weeks pay. That’s appropriate!
4. Receiving a gift unexpectedly and hurriedly excusing yourself, then returning with “their gift” - an obviously used tchotchke that was lying around.
Let’s go back to the office scenario. You pop into your boss’s office with a gift. The boss excuses herself/himself, and comes back five minutes later with a bag full of the company’s promotional items (the ones they give out to customers.) Now you feel embarrassed, and you’ve also embarrassed your boss. No one wins here.
When you receive an unexpected gift, nothing more is required than a gracious, heartfelt thank you. You might feel awkward about not having a gift for them; but don’t make matters worse by trying to cobble together some hodge-podge of a gift.
5. Playing the “one-upmanship” game. Going so over the top with a gift that it makes the recipient feel uncomfortable.
Gift giving is not about flaunting wealth, or your connections, or your good fortune in general. Note: families have their own rules on what is acceptable. And what is OK for one family might be taboo in another - a fact to keep in mind when dealing with in-laws.
6. Gift giving not from the heart, or thoughtfulness, but with an ulterior motive.
“I got you ABC, with the hope that now you’d get me XYZ – or let me go away with the guys – or exempt me from any household duties – or…” – you get the picture.
7. Giving grudgingly.
Presenting a gift along with a cheap shot, “Well I knew you expected something” … or “Everyone would think I’m cheap if I didn’t get you a gift.” Wow - great way to kill the “better to give than to receive” buzz. Why not just say to the recipient, “I’m a jerk and I really didn’t want to get you anything.”
If you really don’t want to give someone a gift, but for good reasons it is absolutely required, then give with grace. Period.
Copyright © 2007,2008 Patricia R. Campbell. All Rights Reserved.
BELLA FIGURA USA, LLC
www.bellafigurausa.com
